I know I haven't written in this journal thingy in a long time but Livejournal is dead at the moment and I need to get shit out.  I guess I expected today would have been a great day because Nick didn't have to work and I didn't have to work.  My dad and stepmom left to Cripple Creek and Billy was at work.  So Nick and I ate Chinese food (haven't done it in a long time).  My tooth was still bothering be because I finally finished the root canal I had done.  So I couldn't eat as much as I normally do.  Nick was in a blah mood from being tired and all that but I tried to ignore things he said that made me want to get mad or just cry.

Brought Nick over to my house where we cuddle and he fell asleep for a few more hours.  I was hoping he'd be more awake today... good for me for hoping anything.  I woke up at some point to upload crap and he went downstairs cuz I was making too much noise, I guess.  Well, he fell asleep down there for about an hour on the couch.  I didn't care... I figured he didn't want to do anything anyway so I went back upstairs and tried to fall asleep but no. 

For the longest time, we hoped that we'd be able to mess around at my house while everybody was gone.  I was hoping today would have been a lot of fun and it sorta was and sorta wasn't.  I guess I had high expectations and I shouldn't of had any.  I was hoping we'd have a lot of fun and more bonding.  My work even tried calling.  I know they probably wanted me to come in to work.   Well, we did stuff in my room and it wasn't really anything special.

I mean, sex lately hasn't lasted that long.  I'm so disappointed with everything right now that I get really angry.  I've been so horny lately cuz i haven't been satisfied at all.  I was hoping to have sex when we got to his house (I haven't really considered the 'sex' we've had really sex) but he asked me if I could leave at 12 so he could get stuff done.  yeah that'd be all fun and dandy but it wasn't.  It just seemed to make the day get worse and worse.  I wanted to cry and just leave and say forget everything.  I really really want to feel special right now.  I'm feeling so lonely lately, so horny, so disconnected with everything.  I want Nick to make me feel special.  Cuz nobody has been able to do that... nobody wants to really do anything for me.  I feel so alone these days and I really wish I was dead.  I just wish Nick would do a little more to make me happy... but he doesn't.  I wish I could really be happy.

You know, you think you're happy and then everything shuts down again.  I'm sick of feeling like nobody cares what happens to me or even cares about me.  Nobody does anything special for me at all so I really don't think I deserve anything from anyone.  I don't want to be spoiled... I just wish people would think about me more... do something for me.  The only person who ever did that for me was my mom.  Even though we were poor and stuff, she'd do something that made me feel special.  I really am alone in this world... so alone.  so alone. 

Well, I'm going to go away.  I keep hoping that Nick would call me even if to bitch at me or something.  I just want somebody to talk to... I'm so lonely and sad right now.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Woot... what a week.. it sucked so bad... I feel like... crapping... x_x;

Oh Holly! I'm usually unable to get a hold of you on AIM, so, if you wanna AIM me, my SN is Shidarezakura666 or Shidarezakura17.  If you use the first one, you'll have a better chance of reaching me... yep...

I've been pretty bored kids... yep, that and just feeling pretty crappy.  I'm glad a lot of my friends don't read this journal and more of the livejournal one.  Woohoo... X_x blah!

Poopers...
- I've been downloading a lot of songs lately... but I don't have a CD burner... poop.  I'm hoping my dad or my stepmom will buy one and all I have to do is buy a scanner... then I can do CG art and ummm... web comics and stuff.

My friend at Walgreens said that I should persue a life with my artwork.  I like how I draw... but... I don't think I'm that good... you know? I'm not trying to put myself down and all... I just don't think I could be as good as some of these other people out there.

I want to be a voice actress... but it doesn't seem to be doing too well... blah... my life sucks right now... I'm failing my psychology class... and I've already missed a bunch of the class... I just can't seem to wake up early enough.. or stay awake.  I'm so tired all the time... I hate it... i can never wake up feeling refreshed or anything...

I remember a while back when I still had WebTV.  Wow, anybody remember that? How popular it was for a while... **laughs** If I still lived over in Florida, I'm sure I'd be using it still... hahaha...

Well, nothing else to say really... I'm trying to make a comic... but I'm not sure where it's going... i either get too busy or just bored of it... blah... I think if I had a scanner, I'd be able to do more cuz then I'd scan and have fun coloring and using Photoshop... but... noooooooooooooooo...

Oh well.. ja ne min'na...

A lot of crap has been happening lately.  I guess I'm allowed on the computer again... but... meh.. nothing much to do but pick my nose.  I'm still feeling really hateful towards people... I guess I'm sick of it... hahah...

What happened this morning, Crys?
Well, I'll tell ya.  It's about 7:20am and my broher comes into my room and says, "I'm late..." And I tell him, "Yeah you are..." So I sit up in bed and tell him to get ready and I'll drive him to school.

I don't even get dressed, I'm still in my cat pajamas with snowballs all over it and just hop into Cletus and drive over to the school.  It was freezing this morning but since I was so tired.. it didn't phase me... and Billy's over on the passenger side shivering and I just say, "Oh... I guess I should turn the heat on..." ^^

Well, we arrive to gay ass Doherty and I laugh at all the retards around me. Billy opens the door and gets out and I just yell out, "Bye sweety! I love you!!!!!" Really loud.  Hoohaa... ^^;

Yesterday?
Drew two more pics... Black Raven and a nifty Wendy fanart.  Yop... tis nifty.  Anyway... Nick called and I got him to take to me Media Play where I bought the first DVD to Hellsing (It looks so much better than on VHS... hoohaa) and The New Guy... yay! ^^; I would have done something today.. but.. blah... who the hell cares!!! ROAR!

I went to Japanese class and we had our big test in there.  Which was pretty easy except I missed one... doh.. cuz I forgot how to say "Do you have a hot dog?" Hahahaha... I forgot the word 'arimasu' and so... I said 'hot dog desu ka?' which is just, 'is this a hot dog?'... but.. oh well.. hahaha..

I got out of class early and jumped on the shuttle bus with Matt cuz he offered to drive me home.  Yay.  ^^ I went home listening to Korean rap... how fun! Hoohaa... It makes you wanna dance.  Hahah.. fun.

Tomorrow
I gotta go to my crap classes.  Yay.  Hopefully I'll get up early enough to dress up.  Mwahahah..

But damn it.. the week has gone by too fast... it's just a waste of time. I've become more closed in and ... I don't think I should say evil... My thoughts are just... messed up right now... I don't know what to think... haha...

Yay for feeling like shit, ne? I'm actually better.  I'm not sure why.. but... blah... oh well... crap to the city.. ne? And yay to a bathroom filled with Billy's leg hair... **gags**

Watashi wa sabishii desu.  Yeah... translation... I'm lonely.  Why? Well, cuz... I am.  School, work, and just.. living at home has brought me down.  If you wan to read the few interesting things I posted yesterday and today and... probably the other day before that, go here.

I hate rewriting all the crap I do... but, I guess I could copy and paste...? Sou desu... demou!

I don't feel like doing that.. too lazy and feel like crap.  Hoohaa... ^^; So, I'm just sitting here... just.. sitting and picking my nose... well, not really.. BUT I COULD BE! Hahaha... **dances**

And so, here I am... just typing my brain away cuz I won't be able to when I go home. I'm sure my punishment won't last long... Note: If you want to know what I did... it wasn't much... hoohaa

Anyway... I'm so bored and my class is taking a break.  Kinda interesting.  Not really, I just don't have anything to talk about.

Oh, and I'm still with my boyfriend... it's been a year.  Yep.  ^^ On the 14th it'll be a year and a month! Wow! **laughs** Why that sounds so corny, I don't know... hoohaa...

I ate my goldfish...
- Yeah! I ate my goldfish! Hahahaha... No, I'm talking about the snack food. I ate them all... sniff... that's okay.. there are more at home. Yep... yeppers.. yup. **shrugs**

Well, my tummy is upset once again.. so I'm off... ja ne!

Hey kids... look... I decided to come back.  Since everybody knows my LiveJournal and reads it... I'm just sick and tired of it.  Sure I want some people to read... but god... people are irritating... **nods**

I'm not sure if I should come back to Xanga.com or not... mmm... it's a little odd.. I just don't know... but.. meh.. oh well...

<hr>

So what have I been up to lately? Well, nothing much except for that everything sucks... hahaha... I don't even know who is going to read this... ahhaha.. I guess I haven't wrote in this thing since May?! Wow... O.o; So it's been a while... **dances**

I actauly have a paid account at LJ... and I'm suprised I still have an account here! WohoOooo! ^^ Looks like Xanga has changed a whole lot.  ANd it's still free? Wow.. how cool is that? ^^

I feel like I"m in a better mood since I wrote in here. It's probably because all the people I know who read this are jus irritating to talk to or see.  I"m not saying Jackie or Rya... just other people.  I'm sick of listening to them destroy themselves... it's just irritating...

"I do drugs.. blah blah blah... whine whine whine.."

Losers... all losers... I've had to stop reading my friends list cuz that's all they would talk about.  They are the losers... **sighs**

Well, I'm off to pick my nose.. ja ne!